As a little girl, I can’t tell you the number of times I sang the “Bridal Chorus” from Wagner’s opera Lohengrin — the traditional wedding march played at most weddings in North America as the bride appears at the back of the assembly to meet her groom. Of course, the words I sang were a child-distorted version bearing no resemblance to the original text.

One incarnation of the song goes, “Here comes the bride, all dressed in white. She stepped on a turtle and down came her girdle.” Another is: “Here comes the bride, big, fat and wide. See how she waddles from side to side. Here comes the groom, skinny as a broom.”

Why is it that I can remember these words but not Bible verses? Why would these ridiculous lyrics be ingrained in my memory when worthier words aren’t? The answer is … wait for it … the number of times the given words were repeated and reinforced. Guess that shows I should have learned to sing Bible verses.

These days engaged couples are going all out to create a wedding that is an Event with a capital “E.” Perhaps one reason is the increasing number of brides who chose to hire a wedding planner. And once these entrepreneurs show prospective clients all the luxury accoutrements available, is it any surprise that they go for the “deluxe” package?

An advantage to hiring a wedding planner is that she (or he or an entire team) will handle every detail. If you’re wanting Hummer limos, your planner will take care of the limo hire. If you’re getting married abroad - and many couples are opting to do that - your planner will either do online research on, say, “limo hire Surrey” if that’s where the event will be held, or they will subcontract part of the overseas operation.

I “get” the allure of all this first class attention, but it saddens me. An entire village could be fed for months on the cost of a luxury wedding.

We went through a tornado about six or seven years ago that was devastating to our town and did quite a bit of damage to our own property including our trucks.

We weren’t hurt and our house was still standing after the 150 mile per hour winds whipped through town, but we were shook up and had lost our garage.

One of our trucks was inside the garage and now had a two by four piece of lumber through the back window and our other truck was parked beside the house with a caved in side from debris.

Luckily our auto insurance company came out quickly and helped figure out what to do for us. They also got our checks cut quickly so that we could get back on the road in a few days. Other residents had much more trouble getting their car insurance companies to help out. Some took weeks, and others even took months.

We eventually moved out of town and ended up with a new insurance company after searching through many other auto insurance quotes online.

When I shop at the supermarket and the bagger asks me, “Paper or plastic?” I pause and tap my chin. “Let’s see,” I say. “Shall I kill a tree today or pollute the environment?” Clearly the teenagers who bag my groceries miss the irony entirely. The girls just giggle and look confused. The boys just appear clueless.

Such debates don’t end here. When it came time for installing replacement windows in our house before the divorce sale, we threw the question “Wood windows or vinyl windows?” back and forth for about a week. We opted, in the end, for vinyl replacement windows, since we wouldn’t be living there and they were a popular home improvement recommendation at local home improvement stores and in realtor newsletters we were inundated with when we started shopping around for the best real estate company.

Still, I have to agree with Kermit. “It’s not easy being green.”

Engagement rings really can be any kind of ring, but traditionally they are solitaire style which is just one stone on a center setting of some kind. When it comes to solitaire rings, diamonds are more often than not, the choice of stone but could be of any type of stone you want.

Honestly, the ring has more to do with your own personal preferences than tradition. If you want a blue stone then choose a sapphire or blue topaz or aquamarine. Red stones are even becoming more popular and those could be ruby or garnet, one being a more pink and the other a deeper darker blood red. These red and blue stones look quite sharp next to a diamond.

Some couples are opting for a triple stone ring that can stand for past, present and future.
No matter what you decide on, it should be thought that counts and not what anyone else but the wearer wants.

The church that I attend asked me if I would not mind helping them get a web page together. They figured it was a good way to advertise different activities and events that were going on in the life of the church. I said that I would help, not realizing at all what I was getting myself into.

When we met for the first time, I realized how little the people working on it actually knew. They had no idea about hosting and I suggested that they get an account with asp.net web hosting before we move on to anything else. After all, what good is a web page without hosting?

Once we got that done, we started to work on the layout and design of the page. It started to be one headache after another working with people who do not know what they are doing. I eventually said that I would take care of the web page myself and they agreed that this was the best thing to do. It is finally online and I am finally sane again.

You know you’re getting old when you see a classified ad that seems to be missing key information that you’re not privy to, and you’re wondering if it’s just you or if anyone else out there actually knows what “Kid Rock Presale available” means.

Classifieds are part of my normal newspaper reading. I have a soft spot for them since an ad I cut out of a Washington, DC-area newspaper inspired me to write a short story. It took me about a day to write it, another day to perfect it and then I sent it off to a publisher. I heard back within a few weeks, which is unprecedented in the publishing industry. It’s not uncommon to wait for months to hear from an editor.

Not only did they magazine want to publish my story, but they put it in their holiday issue, gave it an illustration and placed it in the center of the magazine.

But if classifieds are becoming impossible for me to understand, how will I get more story ideas?

For every subject on earth, there is probably a blog out there somewhere, and some language. There are blogs with such a tight focus that their creators are in danger of running out of topics to write about. Conversely, there are blogs with such a broad focus that they’re about everything, but they are in danger of being about nothing.

As my grandmother loved to say, “Everything in moderation.”

My interests tend to be widely scattered. I like to use the word eclectic. It sounds so much better than scatter-brained.

Just today I was researching Indian food and that sent me to Indian recipes, which, in turn, led to chicken recipes, which took me to slow cooker recipes. Did you know you can bake a cake in a slow cooker — in theory? Blows my mind.

Anyway, one thing led to another and the next thing I knew, I was looking at Memorial Day party suggestions. The Internet is perfect for people with “eclectic interests,” like me.

When I was pregnant with my first child, I was invited to attend a citywide Welcome Wagon baby shower.  I was told that I would receive several gifts for being in attendance and I was a little bit disappointed that the gifts were all promotional products and samples.

The whole thing was just a way for companies to advertise their products without actually having to give anything away.  I came away with a whole bag full of stuff and 90% of it was just papers and flyers advertising what the company had to offer.  The few promotional items that I received were samples that had just cost pennies.

In fact, the only real gifts that people received were because they had won him by having their name pulled out of a draw and even these were corporate gifts with the company’s advertising on them.  I felt a little bit disappointed that it did not turn out at all as we were promised.

I feel sorry for my daughter’s best friend. She emailed me today that she’s landed her dream job as an IT consultant at a major search engine. The problem is, she’s not allowed to tell which search engine. I can just hear the conversation she had with her mother.

“Ma, I got the job!!”

“Now can you tell us who it is?”

“Uh, no. They made me sign this paper that says no one is allowed to know.”

“Not even your own mother?”

“They said especially not mothers — family members. They didn’t actually single out mothers.”

“I would hope not! What kind of place is this that they make you keep secrets from your relatives?”

“A very big and powerful company, Ma. The kind that influences millions of people daily.”

“But what if you got married?”

“Ma! Enough harping about–”

“I’m not harping. When I’m harping, believe me, you’ll know. I’m thinking if a person were married, that piece of paper would put them in a difficult position.”

“I signed the not-in-a-relationship form. People with significant others signed a different disclosure.”

“Then you should get married so you can know what’s in that other paper.”

“You’re the one who wants to know!”

“Aren’t you the least little bit curious?”

“Well, maybe a little, but the point is–”

“The point is, you should be married! Your cousin Emma is married.”

“Emma’s married to a…look, there is one other thing. I’m not allowed to talk to you at work.”

“I never heard of such a thing, not talking to family members at work!”

“Not family members. Mothers.”

“They can do that?”

“This is a search engine giant. They can do whatever they want, Ma.”

“If I promise not to mention your cousin Emma can you talk to me?”

“Only if you also don’t mention her for the next six months.”

“Not even at home?”

“Especially then!”

“Well…I guess I can adjust to not talking to you at work. Now, I think I hear your boss calling you. Besides, I have to call your Aunt Martha and tell her my daughter got a job with a secret, fancy-schmancy company while her daughter is only married to a jerk.”